If there’s one thing a young man fears more than Michael Jackson its’ hearing the word ‘problem’ used in the same sentence as ‘your penis’ – or in this case, the testicles. In its latest report, the United States National Cancer Institute released a tragic study for ’sticky icky’ fans across this great country:

“Smoking marijuana over an extended period of time appears to greatly boost a young man’s risk for developing a particularly aggressive form of testicular cancer, a new study reveals.”

Ouch! My balls hurt just thinking about it! With such scary news being delivered by such a prominent administrative body, it definitely makes you think twice about the impact of so-called ‘medical marijuana’ and the movement to legalize this carcinogenic substance. How absurd to think that a plant known to cause dick cancer could actually be considered ‘treatment’ for some! What next? Medical methamphetamine for anyone afflicted with narcolepsy? Those crazy Californians and their ‘progressive’ marijuana legislation seem to have a created a modern day, evil Johnny Appleseed – except instead of delicious fruits these people are spreading deadly dick cancer. It’s just terrible. Really. That is until you continue reading the study which clarifies:

“According to the U.S. National Cancer Institute, testicular cancer is very rare, accounting for just 1 percent of cancers among American men. Nevertheless, the disease is the most common type of cancer for American men between the ages of 15 and 34, the study noted.”

Wait a second – let’s slow the pain train down for a moment. Now math has never been my strong suit, but a 1% chance of getting testicular cancer is equivalent to a 99% chance that you will NOT suffer this disease regardless of lifestyle choices. If smoking marijuana increases those odds by 40% then the reality is that getting your Puff Daddy on equates to a 1.4% chance of losing either Mario or Luigi – not really a new strain of ‘The Black Plague’ as the headline & opening paragraph would have you believe.

Further, the study admits that this is merely a correlation and that no scientific proof exists directly linking weed to cancer de los testes:

“But certainly, the idea that cannabis may cause cancer cells to proliferate is interesting,” Schwartz acknowledged. “It could, however, also be that recreational drug use is simply a marker for affluence, since we know that testicular cancer is traditionally a disease that is more common among the affluent. Or it could be a marker for some other event that comes along with it, that triggers lesions that lead to tumors. So, at this point, it’s just not clear to me how exactly the association between marijuana and testicular cancer would work.”

So in reality, it could simply be that smoking marijuana elicits the ‘munchies’ which can lead to consumption of mass quantities of tasty processed foods that contain high concentrations of saturated fats, sugar, and cholesterol which then raise LDL levels that eventually develop into fatty deposits which can build up in the testicles causing said cancer as pictured in the medical diagram above. A plausible theory, no?

Inspiration @ MedicineNet