New details emerged today surrounding the death of David Carrandine and it turns out the legend didn’t hang himself after all! According to Thai Police, it looks to be a classic case of an ‘autoerotic sex game gone wrong’ and after reading the latest details you can understand the mistaken suicide prognosis:

Carradine, 72, was found naked in a closet in an upscale Bangkok hotel on Thursday with cords around his neck and his genitals. The police are checking DNA found on the cords, but say they found no signs of a struggle, suggesting that Carradine might have either tied himself up or submitted voluntarily to his incapacitation.

“It is unclear whether he committed suicide or not or he died of suffocation or heart failure,” Lt. Gen. Worapong Chewprecha of the Royal Thai Police told reporters. The results of the autopsy are expected to be released on Saturday. — The Washington Post, 2009

When authorities first responded to the scene they must have assumed that the string around Carradine’s genitals was a failed first suicide attempt. After realizing that he cut off oxygen to the wrong ‘brain’, the obvious next step would be to try the string around his neck (this time selecting the correct ‘brain’ to deny oxygen) and effectively ending his life. A very plausible theory, but a typical gumshoe mistake nonetheless. We all fuck up every now and then, and I’m sure Carradine’s extended family totally understands…

And if you missed the prequel, check out Bill, Killed Vol. 1 and you might find this a little more humorous…

Who offs thyself at age 72? And by hanging no less! Total insanity if you ask me. Guns have been around for 500 years and from what I hear can be a pretty effective means of suicide – maybe being a martial artist he has a disdain for modern weapons? Or perhaps he was following the True Romance mantra ‘Die Young and Leave a Good Looking Corpse’? Could be, but if that’s the case he missed the former by about 50 years.

Seriously after 72 years on the planet you couldn’t hang in there for just a bit longer and go out with some dignity? If you really want out that bad LIVE IT UP! Start drinking, doing drugs, eat bacon & chocolate sandwiches, take up South Pacific Stingray Swimming – ANYTHING but thine own hand…

And what a slap in the face to his fellow geriatrics, millions of whom are on Medicare/Social Security and would KILL for a chance at Carradine’s lifestyle. The man was already a legend from the 1970s hit Kung Fu and his legacy was only bolstered by the huge success of the ‘Kill Bill’ series. Modern movie success equals big bucks, especially when your director is Quentin Tarantino, so your boy has clearly got money and there’s no doubt a few hundred American dollars in Thailand will net more ‘tuna’ than the Tsunami. In the age of Viagra I don’t need to tell you old timers what a sweet deal that is. Hugh Hefner must be so disappointed…

Inspiration @ Fox News