Yesterday Moody’s Investors Service re-stated that the United States credit rating will remain stamped with its premiere ‘AAA’ status despite a national debt that is fast approaching $12T (that’s trillion for those keeping score at home) in the midst of a global recession. The much-vaunted ‘AAA’ rating has typically been reserved for only the most secure, successful financial institutions – a roster than included such all-stars as AIG (currently trading at $1.41), Lehman Bros. (currently bankrupt). and Bear Stearns (currently nonexistent).

Investors responded quickly to the news by running from the market as if it were a stage five clinger. The DOW Jones Industrial average dropped nearly 200 points once word got out that the United States would remain king of the ‘AAA’ for the near future and it seems that  the ‘AAA’  rating  is morphing into something of a ‘Madden Curse‘ for the financial industry. Just like the football players featured on the cover of the popular video game, any company branded with the ‘AAA’ from Moody’s ends up swirling down the toilet alongside mushy pieces of last night’s ‘Enchilada Surprise‘ .

The bulk of Moody’s recent troubles are believed to stem from a careless employee (pictured above) who has reportedly ‘run a muck’ at the company’s World Trade Center headquarters. Apparently this man (who has yet to be officially identified but bears a slight resemblance to DC comic book hero Clark Kent) was provided access to a computer that contained sensitive financial documents which he subsequently ‘fucked up pretty bad’ according to one Moody’s colleague speaking on condition of anonymity.  Managing financials was said to be well outside of his capabilities as the 11th floor mens’ room attendant, yet somehow he was able to find himself in an unexpected position of superior power making poor decisions with disastrous results. Just like Bush…

Inspiration @ Yahoo