Have you heard the latest from the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea? It’s a real knee slapper. Apparently the tiny Asian nation is continuing it’s quest to be crowned as the most annoying child in the world playground. Fearing that the nation of nearly 28 million is losing the eye of superpowers abroad, today North Korean officials released the following tantrum, er, statement which was delivered to the media by spokesman Terrell Owens:

“Our nuclear deterrent will be a strong defensive means … as well as a merciless offensive means to deal a just retaliatory strike to those who touch the country’s dignity and sovereignty even a bit,” said the commentary, carried by the official Korean Central News Agency.

And by ‘merciless offensive’ the DPRK does mean ‘hold breath until turn bru’…

Is anyone actually concerned about this poodle ’s bark? The five permanent members of the UN Security Council (or ‘Big Dicks’ as they are known around the water cooler) possess over 8,000 nuclear weapons strategically positioned at discreet locations across the globe. DPRK has yet to prove their capability to deliver even ONE such bomb, and given their track record even if they were able to get a nuclear payload off the ground you can rest assured that just before crashing into Seoul the warhead will stop in mid-air, pop open, and reveal a classic ‘BANG’ flag the size of Rhode Island.

Call them toy soldiers, call them wankstas, call them frauds, but don’t ever call North Korea a threat – that just fuels their narcissism. Threats must be credible in order to be effective – you can’t go all in with 7-2 off suit if your opponent has seen your cards. In this case, last month’s nuclear tests proved that DPRK claims to be driving a Mercedes, but looking under the hood reveals a dirty little secret – the chassis is made by Chevrolet!